Steps to Developing Greater Self-Trust

Trust is an essential emotion to feeling safe, secure and empowered. It is the foundation of mental wellbeing. However, trust does not always come easily. Past experience makes us more fearful and guarded and we tend to be more self-protective than trusting. If we have been hurt by others, it may be difficult to trust again. However, the key to building the muscle of TRUST lies less in trusting other people and more with developing trust in yourself.

Trust can be seen as one of the opposite emotions to fear. When we feel trust, we feel safe, grounded and more present. The difference between trust and fear comes down to the story we tell ourselves. And, with that awareness, we can make a choice . . .  fear or trust. Imagine flipping a coin. Heads represent seeing the world through the eyes of trust, tails represents fear. In every moment you have a choice to flip your fear into trust.

“Fear needs to control; trust likes to flow.
Fear likes drama; trust is effortless.
Fear resists; trust persists.
Fear contracts; trust expands.
Fear creates expectations; trust accepts.
Fear judges; trust observes.
Fear is angry; trust is compassionate.
Fear looks outside for answers; trust searches within.”
(Excerpt from The Essence of You, Cheryne Blom)

So what does it actually mean to trust yourself?

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6 Core Wounds and a Pathway Beyond Them

 

For over a decade I’ve been researching the effects of fear on the mind, body and soul.

One profound discovery was the existence of 6 core wounds stored within our emotional body.

In my upcoming book, The Essence of You, I identify the following 6 core wounds:


Rejection                              Uncertainty                      Abandonment                  

Judgement/criticism           Humiliation                      Failure

These 6 core wounds are formed very early in childhood when we experience significant emotional events.

Examples of these Defining Moments include:

  • A parent leaving/passing away
  • Emotional/physical/sexual abuse
  • Kids teasing/bullying
  • Parent/teacher humiliation
  • Perceived failure
  • Pain/illness
  • Trauma

In these moments we experience heightened emotions that shake the certainty of our world. The pain and residue get stored in our cellular memory as emotional wounds. The greater the emotional impact, the greater the wound. Think of a meteorite crashing down onto earth – the stronger the force, the deeper the imprint.

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The Greatest Toxin in the World is . . .

Twelve years ago I was fast asleep as one usually is at 2 am. Suddenly, I woke up to an internal dialogue. At first, I thought it was my own thoughts, but as I tuned in, it felt as if I was receiving universal guidance. I quickly reached over to my bedside table for a pen and paper and began to scribble fast.

This is what I heard:

There is only one toxin in the world. And it is not what people think. It is not drugs, nor alcohol, nor chocolate, nor coffee… This toxin is blocking us and creating darkness and despair… It is like a black cloud that enters the natural effervescent bubble of our being. As we let it in, it seeps into our Essence and clouds our clarity, leaving us feeling heavy. It depletes our energy and lowers our vibration. It leaves us feeling depressed, anxious, restless and stressed. It drains our self-belief and pollutes the purity of our thoughts. It fills us with self-pity, self-doubt and self-sabotage.

                As we let this toxin into our consciousness, it takes over our perception of reality. We lose ourselves in this intoxicated state and forget who we truly are.

                It has created damage and destruction in our world. It has caused unrest, fighting and war. It feeds off our insecurities and demands power. Like a parasite draining its host, it weakens the body and shakes us to the very core of our being.

                This inner leech is often hidden under layers of self-protection. Most people are unaware of this intoxicated state. Most people blame something outside of themselves as the core of their stress or power loss, but it is this internal substance that is weakening mankind. 

                This toxin causes a split in personalities. Because we forget our truth, we develop a persona to mask our pain. It is what fuels the Ego-self.

                This toxin that exists within each one of us is fear. Fear is at the root of addiction, sadness, depression, anxiety and chaos. People need to learn how to let go of fear if they are to change their thinking. A pure mind will create a pure heart, and a pure heart experiences personal freedom and empowerment.” (Excerpt from The Essence of You)

These words changed my life. From that moment on, I understood my role as a life coach- to help people dissolve their inner fear and return to the Essence of who they are.

But what is at the core of our fear?

This question awakened a deep desire in me to understand personal transformation and empowerment. I have spent over a decade in my coaching practice researching the elements I received from this cosmic download. With thanks to the hundreds of clients I have had the honour to work with, I have weaved my findings into a supportive process of transformation that I share in my upcoming book.

The Essence of You is a guide to help you tame your Ego, discover your authentic self and master your life’s purpose. My deepest wish, with this book, is that you gain the tools to transcend your fear and return to the natural Essence you were born as. In your Essence lies your unique character strengths, gifted to you at birth, that help you master what you came here to achieve. With vulnerability, I share with you my personal story, client anecdotes and simple exercises to help you rediscover and reconnect with your best self.

One of the most profound discoveries I found was the awareness of what lies in the core of all our fear. Hidden under layers of protection and emotion are three self-limiting beliefs that rob us of our personal power. These fears are what ‘fill us with self-pity, self-doubt and self-sabotage.’ These three destructive beliefs are: I am not worthy, I am not good enough and I am not loved. When we remove these toxic seeds from our consciousness we can begin to thrive in our lives.

Awareness is the first step. So, begin to notice how these beliefs are showing up in what you think, feel and do. With awareness, you can begin to heal the damage of this toxicity. I look forward to sharing more tools of transformation when the book is released.

Read more about how you can pre-order and receive a sample chapter of The Essence of You.

The Ultimate Freedom is a Freedom from Fear!

In one of my previous posts entitled, The Deep Yearning within Every Soul, I discussed how many of us are searching for freedom- freedom to be our truth, freedom to go after what we want and freedom to live life on our own terms. In order to achieve such freedom, we must know how to manage and dissolve our fear.

Most of us do not even realise that we are in fear. We realise that we are stressed, but we fail to locate the root cause that generates tension, anxiety and restlessness. What this ultimately comes down to is recognizing that each of us has three core fears that limit who we are and what we can achieve.

These three fears are a fear of not being good enough, a fear of not being worthy and a fear of not being loved. When we realise that these fears are at the core of all stress, anger, negativity and despair, we can begin an empowering journey of transformation.

When we let go of these fears we return to the authentic ESSENCE of who we are. We return to being the free-spirited child who came into this world with a sense of adventure, curiosity and excitement. We break free from all our past conditioning and protective patterns. We drop our guard, open our hearts and begin to live with greater passion, enthusiasm and energy.

I was reminded of this free spirit that lives within each of us, when the song GYPSY, by Fleetwood Mac popped onto my playlist. Now, I have heard this song a thousand times, but on this occasion, the words touched me deeply. Especially this line: Read More

11 Ways to Deal With Difficult Emotions When They Come Up

Self-development is not for the faint-hearted. This is especially true when emotional healing is involved. To clear past pain and be the best version of yourself demands courage, commitment and endurance to withstand challenging emotions when they erupt.

To avoid pain we do three things: we distract, react or contract. We distract ourselves from feeling, we react and become emotional or we contract or withdraw into ourselves. When we are avoiding emotions, we cannot attend to them, and therefore, cannot heal them. Although confronting, the healing process allows us to release and let go whatever no longer serves us and become whole again. It is a process of transformation that leads to immense growth and satisfaction when the cycle is completed.

Therefore to enable self-empowerment, we must know how to manage our emotions and embrace opportunities for growth when they arise. Here are 11 ways to help you manage difficult emotions when they come up: Read More

The Deep Yearning Within Every Soul

When I begin working with clients, I ask them all the same question: What is your highest value? What emotion/mindset would you like to experience on a daily basis?

For over a decade, I have received almost the exact answer each time… I want greater Peace and Happiness. And when I ask them what it will give them to experience Peace and Happiness every day, they answer . . . it will give me Freedom.

The consistency of these conversations has led me to recognise that within almost all of us is a deep yearning for personal freedom. Now by freedom, I do not necessarily mean doing everything we want without any consideration for others or without restraint. We need balance and we need self-control. The freedom I am referring to is the feeling of openness and authenticity. A feeling of being true to yourself, feeling expansive and in a state of joy and bliss. Personal freedom feels as if our guard has come down- we feel a sense of liberation. Liberated from our thoughts, our anxiety, our fear and self-protection. We are living through the Age of Freedom- a time where the citizens of the world are rising and demanding to be heard- demanding human freedom.

Freedom is a deep emotion that seems to call upon each of us. This is especially true for individuals who are more self-aware, spiritually evolved and striving for personal excellence. We feel free when we return to our natural state; when we break free from all the mental, emotional and physical restraints that keep us feeling stuck and contained. Anything that blocks our personal freedom creates a type of suffering in the mind. This presents itself as anxiousness, restlessness, negative self- talk, self- doubt or self- sabotage.

There are many things that block our freedom. And true transformation occurs when we realise that “pain is certain, suffering is optional.” (Gautama Buddha). We can choose to let go of many thought and behavioural patterns that block us from experiencing ultimate freedom. Some of the patterns that block our freedom include:

  • Holding onto the past
  • Fearing the future
  • Predicting or anticipating outcomes
  • Judging ourselves or others
  • Lack of forgiveness
  • Having expectations for ourselves and others
  • Compromising our boundaries and people pleasing 
  • Denying ourselves form what we truly desire
  • Martyrdom and self-sacrifice
  • The need for safety
  • Controlling ourselves, others, outcomes and our environment
  • Doing ‘the right thing’ as opposed to living your truth
  • Not feeling deserving or worthy to have your deepest desires

What would happen if we dump these patterns? Is this our key to freedom? Can we surrender our hidden agenda enough to break free from the shackles that imprison our spirit? Can we let go of Ego, fear, control and judgment?

What patterns do you recognize in yourself? How are you blocking your own freedom and what can you let go of?

“Breath by breath, let go of fear, expectation, anger, regret, cravings, frustration, fatigue. Let go of the need for approval. Let go of old judgments and opinions.
Die to all that, and fly free. Soar in the freedom of desirelessness.
Let go. Let Be. See through everything and be free, complete, luminous,
at home — at ease.”
— Lama Surya Das

The Importance of Crying

Most people avoid crying at all costs. Crying can make us feel weak, vulnerable, embarrassed or exposed. Having a good cry means that we have to face our feelings and confront difficult emotions- not a pleasurable task. Most of us have been conditioned to have a thick skin – to put on a brave face and soldier on. So, why then, would we see any benefit in crying?

I, on the other hand,  am a cryer. I love to cry. I’m the one that cries through TV commercials, the soppy movie trailers; I even cry through The Voice. It’s great entertainment for my kids who continuously make fun of me. What can I say? I’m a highly sensitive person who is in tune with my feelings as well as the feelings of others. It is my greatest strength in that it gives me the empathy needed to do my work. However, before I knew how to manage my sensitivity (my emotions), it was also a demise. I have learned to honour crying and use it as a powerful tool to manage my stress and heal. Read More

Happiness is Not for Chicken Shits

Every client I have worked with has heard my own personal mantra . . . Happiness is Not for Chicken Shits. For those who don’t know what a Chicken Shit is, it is a scaredy cat, a wuss or basically anyone who keeps themselves small and safe. It takes immense COURAGE to not only be happy but to be your own version of happy — your truth.

Society conditions us to ‘fit in,’ to ‘do the right thing.’ We are taught to please, to adapt and to compromise ourselves, sometimes even to our own detriment. We are also ruled by the mind and the nervous system, which prioritise our safety over happiness. We will do more to feel safe than put ourselves in a vulnerable position. Now being accepted and feeling safe are core human needs, but perhaps we can have both happiness and safety without compromising our truth.

There are other blocks that drain our authentic happiness, including the fear of change and the fear of uncertainty. We remain in the comfort zone of what we know to avoid change. And again, if we hide in our shell, we miss out on all the joy life has on offer. We miss out on the fun, we miss out on success and we fail to meet our full potential. In reality, the only constant thing we can rely on is in fact change. Life is always changing and transforming and we are always growing. When we move with the changes in life, we flow with the tides of our journey.

Often we face a life transition. This is when a chapter of our lives comes to an end and we are being prepared for our next challenge or adventure. This can be confronting, worrisome and we often resist the change instead of embracing it. And so, when we embrace the COURAGE to sculpt ourselves happy, we gracefully flow through the seasons of our lives with a sense of adventure, openness and calm. I, myself am about to embark on my next life transition. I will be reminding myself throughout the journey that true authentic and everlasting happiness is my choice and I have the courage to roll with whatever life throws at me.

Here are some other thoughts I tell myself when fear wraps its tentacles around my consciousness: Read More

Flowing with the Tides of Life

As I mentioned in my previous post, I recently spent some time on Heron Island. I was far away from the hustle and bustle, mindfully soaking up the lessons and blessings nature has on offer.

In addition to the lessons on selfishness and sacrifice, another observation I made was the noticeable difference between high tide and low tide. A system that revealed a mutually beneficial contract between the sun, the earth and the moon. High tide brought the Island an energy, an aliveness that flowed towards the shore filling the reef with sharks, rays, turtles and an array of multi-coloured fish. Low tide brought a stillness. A quiet. A sense of pull-back.

So it got me thinking about the different tides and cycles we experience in life. There are moments of abundance (whatever that may mean to you). In these times, life flows towards us with a graceful ease. We experience an abundance of love, finances and opportunities. We feel safe, peaceful and grateful.

Then there are moments of quiet. Life starts to feel stagnant and scarce. Often in those lull times, we worry and fear uncertainty. We tend to spend a lot of time in our heads trying to figure things out. We get stuck in planning, stressing or analysing.

The stillness offers us a blessing…

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What Nature Teaches Us About Selfishness and Sacrifice

I recently visited Heron Island, on the Great Barrier Reef. I love being immersed in nature- there are so many lessons to learn. Whilst there, I learned about an interesting adaptation of the Island trees that helps them adjust to the harsh weather conditions.  In almost every tree there was one brightly coloured yellow leaf called, the Sacrificial Leaf.

This leaf is paramount to the survival of the tree. It absorbs all of the excess salt so that the tree can achieve a healthy balance. Eventually, the leaf dies and falls to the ground. It’s ‘death’, in turn, nourishes the soil for the tree to feed- and the life cycle continues.  

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